The Blame Game
by C. A. Matthews
The lights come up on a TV game show set.
EMCEE: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the midterms election year Blame Game, a game where Democratic Party operatives come up with excuses for why their candidates are doing poorly in the polls and why they never quite do as they promise.
The crowd of party faithful goes wild with clapping and cheering.
EMCEE: Thank you, thank you. (He pulls out a long list from his blue-sequinned jacket pocket.) Our first contestant is Mrs. Shirley U. Jest, one of our largest contributors to the 2020 Biden-Harris campaign, outside of Raytheon, Lockheed Martin, and General Dynamics.
A well-dressed, middle-aged suburbanite energetically jumps up out of her seat and knocks her Blue MAGA cap off in the confusion.
SHIRLEY: Did he say me? Me? Oh, yippee! I've always wanted to play.
EMCEE: Come on down, Shirley! It's time to spin the wheel and play the Blame Game!
Jumping up and down, Shirley approaches the Emcee and the large rotating wheel on stage.
EMCEE: You certainly seem happy to be here, Shirley. Tell us a little about yourself.
SHIRLEY: I'm a lifelong Democrat and currently live in Arizona. I vote blue no matter who no matter what other people say. I even voted for Kyrsten Sinema! I don't care to think for myself.
The crowd cheers and whistles their approval.
EMCEE: Perfect, just perfect. Well, the blame we need to assign this week is for our very own Commander-in-Chief, President Joe Biden. (Audience cheers.) It seems Joe has dropped in the polls from about 33% to a mere 29% approval rating. Who will loyal Democrats blame for this fiasco? This is where the lovely Shirley comes in. Are you ready?
SHIRLEY: (Screwing up her face and quivering with excitement.) Yes! Yes!
EMCEE: Alrighty then. Come over here and spin the Blame Shifting Wheel.
Shirley pulls down hard on the large roulette wheel. She then steps back as it spins around and around.
EMCEE: Will it be Russia? That's a party favorite. Our friend Rachel at MSNBC can always drum up plenty of reasons why Russia is at the root of Mr. Biden dropping in the polls.
AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Russia! Russia!
EMCEE: (Chuckling.) And China could be blamed for V.P. Harris' fall from grace, especially if we end up in war with them and our dollar stores' shelves wind up empty.
Audience boos. The wheel continues to spin.
EMCEE: Is there any particular blameworthy subject on the wheel you like, Shirley?
SHIRLEY: Oo, I'm sort of partial to blaming Susan Sarandon. (Audience hisses.) She can cast a spell on just about anyone through her Tweets. She talked my sister into voting for that witch Jill Stein back in 2016. She made the Green Party sound so reasonable with their people, planet and peace over profits slogan. Can you imagine putting the welfare of the planet over the welfare of our bank accounts?
The Emcee and crowd all laugh derisively. The wheel begins to slow but continues to spin.
EMCEE: You really put some juice into that spin, Shirley! Do you have a second favorite excuse on the wheel?
SHIRLEY: Hmm… Those Leftist types. They're pretty shifty. Always claiming that we're not doing enough for the working people or people of color and crying about not having health care and being in debt for simply going to college. As if! Everybody loves their private health insurance and everybody knows their parents will pay their college tuition. Duh!
The audience hoots and hollers, mimicking her condescending gestures.
SHIRLEY: They're always saying that we Dems are only acting in the best interests of the idle rich. I don't see it that way at all.
EMCEE: Yeah, it is a confusing position. By the way, what are you and your friends planning to do after the show today?
SHIRLEY: Why, go to brunch, of course! Then we're attending a kickboxing class with Jen Psaki and having Margaritas afterwards. We're never idle.
EMCEE: (Chuckling.) No one would ever accuse you of idleness, Shirley. And it looks like the wheel is starting to slow… Yes, it's slowing… It's stopping… Oh, dear.
SHIRLEY: (Frowning.) It's stuck in between two slots. What does that mean?
EMCEE: It means we'll have to ask the DNC party leadership for their learned advice on how to proceed. (He leans into his earpiece to listen.) Yes, yes, I got that. Thank you.
SHIRLEY: What did they say?
EMCEE: (Clearing his throat.) The party leadership says the blame for our beloved Joe Biden dropping in the polls is because of "bad followers." You, the party faithful, have not lived up to your potential. You've let Mr. Biden and the party down.
The audience is shocked into silence. Then a low booing and moaning ensues. Bits of wadded paper and disposable plastic bottles are tossed onto the stage.
SHIRLEY: Hey, what's this about us not being good followers? We're here, aren't we? We donate time and money to the party constantly. We troll online and put the lefties and Greens in their place. We've even paid to place child porn images on the Berners' Facebook pages during the 2016 New York primary to get them in trouble. Surely that's going beyond the call of duty. Every Democrat here is a definition of a good follower.
VARIOUS AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Hear, hear! We believed Joe's campaign promises! Why didn't he forgive student loan debt like he said he would? Why didn't they give us $2,000 stimulus check like they said? He's causing his own poll numbers to drop!
EMCEE: What can I say? The leadership says it's not about them or their decisions--the blame falls squarely on you guys' shoulders. It's all your fault.
SHIRLEY: But… but… Don't we get a say so in the matter? Can't we take a vote on this?
EMCEE: A vote? Why would we do a thing like that? A federal judge actually said in 2017 that Democratic Party is a private organization and could rig their primaries any way they like. Why would leadership ever listen to you guys, the bad followers?
SHIRLEY: Hey, I paid good money to be here and I--
EMCEE: (Interrupting her.) That's all we have time for today. Enjoy your Margaritas and brunch, folks, and until next time--trust the leadership to tell you what's good for you and remember--don't think for yourself. Good-bye everybody!
The emcee barely escapes the auditorium before the audience members can tar and feather him. Shirley sniffs and shuffles off stage.
SHIRLEY: (Mumbling to self.) Maybe my sister was right about voting Green Party after all.
Poll: Democratic Party More Unpopular Than Donald Trump https://www.directleft.com/p/poll-democratic-party-more-unpopular
America's New Class War https://scheerpost.com/2022/01/18/hedges-americas-new-class-war/
Voting Rights Should Include the Right to Vote for Who You Want https://www.counterpunch.org/2021/07/02/voting-rights-should-include-the-caright-to-vote-for-who-you-want/
Capitalists Only Trust the Science When It Suits Their Agenda https://scheerpost.com/2022/01/23/capitalists-only-trust-the-science-when-it-suits-their-agenda/
Seen on Twitter:
Caught a clip of mainstream bile being puked out where a Dem operative says something like "Democrats don't have a leader problem they have a follower problem". I thought that was perfect. "We don't serve you. You serve us."— ✊🏻 Stained Class (@DEMS_R_GOP) January 22, 2022
The all powerful Susan Sarandon pic.twitter.com/Ux7Ddlc1Wo— Janus Tiresias🕊🍀 (@JanusTiresias) January 23, 2022
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